A Series of Avengers Christmas Tales
by iColor With Crayons
Summary: Just a bunch of Christmas-y oneshots thrown together. Various pairings, events, and presents. Tune in for some festive fun! (Suggestions are also welcomed)
1. Chapter 1

**Clint and Natasha's Annual Prank War (Clintasha)**

Everyone in Stark Tower knew that the moment December 1st rolled around, it was time to hide. Natasha and Clint were about to start their annual prank war.

"Nat!" Clint howled on the morning of the first day. Natasha had taped saran wrap over the toilet. Clint was now standing in the bathroom with urine soaking into his pajama bottoms. Natasha popped her head in the doorway, a wolf-like grin playing on her lips.

"Yes?"

Clint narrowed his eyes. "You're so dead."

"Someone is ambitious today."

"Uh-huh. Come here. Let me spread some love."

"Uh, no. Back off, Edward Urine Hands."

"No, seriously, come here." Clint started walking towards Natasha, his hands outstretched. Natasha leapt out of his way.

"If you touch me, I will break your neck." She threatened. Both of them knew that she was bluffing.

Clint raced forward. Natasha swept his legs out from under him without thinking. As he dropped down to the floor in an inelegant heap, Natasha raced for the privacy of her own bathroom. She was certain that her leg had touched a damp patch at the bottom of Clint's pajama pants and she needed to bathe as soon as possible.

As she showered, she thought of the other pranks that she had set up. She had…

-swapped the salt and the sugar (a classic trick, but a good one)

-swapped the labels from Clint's peanut butter and Steve's gross protein spread

-changed JARVIS' language setting to Norman French

-stuck Mjolnir on top of the leftover pizza box in the fridge

-painted all of Clint's bedroom walls an obnoxious green that would glow in the dark and disrupt his daily afternoon nap.

Somehow, though, none of that felt like enough.

After showering, she crept out of the bathroom. She was wary of any possible pranks that Clint might have set up while she was in the bathroom. She was surprised and almost disappointed when she made it all the way to her bedroom without any abnormalities.

Until she went to put on her clothes, that is.

None of them fit. It was like she had walked into an eight year-old's room. She couldn't even get her feet into the jeans that she had worn just yesterday. She dug through all of her drawers, yanking out every article of clothing that she could find, anything that might fit. At the bottom of a drawer was a picture of Clint grinning from ear to ear and shooting the camera the finger guns.

Oh, she was going to kill him.

"Clint!" She stormed out of her room in just her underwear. She nearly collided with Steve and Bucky as she did so.

"Oh." Steve's face turned bright red. He averted his eyes. Bucky did not. He just smirked. "Ah, Nat, I don't think -"

"What the fuck?" Clint's voice came from the direction of the kitchen. Natasha didn't wait for Steve to finish his awkward rambling. She stormed into the kitchen, fully intending to beat the living shit out of her boyfriend until he told her where her clothes were.

In the kitchen, Clint was holding what he thought was his peanut butter and a spoon. He looked like he was either going to burst into tears or vomit. Despite the fact that she was undressed and frustrated about her loss of clothing, she couldn't help but smirk.

"Problem?" She asked.

Clint looked away from Steve's protein spread to Natasha. His offended glare immediately turned into a self-satisfied grin. He broke out laughing.

"Ohohoho. Don't you look beautiful this morning?"

Natasha smirked back. "Where are my clothes?"

"In your room. Like always. It's not my fault you didn't put them on."

"Very funny. Where are my real clothes?"

"Where's my real peanut butter?"

Natasha shrugged and smirked. She wasn't going to let Clint off the hook so easily. Clint let out an exasperated sigh and shook his head.

"Fine. I'll just cleanse my palate with some pizza."

"You are so refined."

Clint glared at her without much malice as he trudged towards the fridge. He opened the door and paused. Slowly, he turned to look at Natasha. There was murder in his eyes.

"My pizza." He had never sound so hurt.

"What's wrong?" Natasha asked in the most innocent tone she could manage.

"You." Clint turned around and glowered at her. "How did you do this? How did you even lift that thing?"

"What? Like it's hard?"

Clint frowned. "I'm going to get you for this."

"Really? Are you?" Natasha asked, arching an eyebrow. "The only thing that you've done so far is take my clothes."

"And we all thank you for that." Tony called from the living room. There was the sound of hands meeting - probably Tony and Bucky high fiving - and Steve's distinct voice grumbling "perverts". Natasha didn't take her eyes off of Clint.

"I don't think that's all I did." Clint responded smugly.

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Yeah? What else did you do? Turn the water pressure to a slightly different setting? Sprinkle dirt near my shoes?"

"Have you looked in the mirror this morning?"

"No...why? What did you do?" Now Natasha was worried.

"Don't tell her, Clint. It's better this way!" Bucky called from the living room. Tony laughed.

"What did you do?" Natasha demanded a bit louder.

Clint handed over one of Tony's ridiculously shiny bowls. Natasha searched for her reflection. When she found it, she was horrified. Her hair was no longer red. It was the most disgusting shade green that she had ever seen.

"Oh my god." She touched her hair, unable to believe that it was real.

"Run, Clint." Bucky called.

For once in his life, Clint listened. He took off running before Natasha could finish processing what had happened. When she did process it, she sat down at the kitchen table and set to work.

While Clint was hiding in his room, she coated the outside of his door with saran wrap. When he tried to sneak out, he ran straight into it and found himself tangled up in the frustratingly sticky plastic. Struggling against it just made it worse. Natasha heard his frustrated noises and immediately leapt into action. She reinforced the wrapping with duct tape, stuck a strip on his mouth for good measure, and topped it off with a bow sitting at the top of his blond head. Clint glowered at her.

"Mmmf-mm." He said, his voice muffled and distorted by the duct tape.

Natasha smiled and stepped over his body into his bedroom. "Don't mind me. I'm just looking for something to wear. I can't find anything in my closet."

"Mmmm." Clint grumbled.

Natasha just smirked as she dug through his closet. Eventually she found an oversized button down that he usually wore on Thanksgiving - he called it his "eating shirt". She rolled up the sleeves and bunched it at the waist with a ribbon. It wasn't exactly couture, but it would do.

Next, Natasha took advantage of the fact that Clint was temporarily immobilized and grabbed every cup that she could find in the kitchen. She filled each of them with water and placed them outside of Clint's door. Clint was forced to watch as the entire hallway was filled with cups full of water. It took Natasha about two hours to trap Clint, but it was well worth it. It would take him much longer to get out of the hallway - if he ever did.

"Mmmm." Clint growled as she finished.

"Have a nice nap." Natasha grinned, turning on her heel and sauntering off in the direction of the living room. Clint wouldn't be able to prank her for another few hours and she had some wrapping to do.

It took about an hour and a half for Bruce to emerge from the lab and take pity on Clint. Everybody else had just passed by and laughed at him. Even Agent Coulson had just shaken his head and proceeded to the conference room for a meeting with Steve and Bucky.

"Ugh," Bruce had said when he noticed Clint's distress. "Are you two pranking each other again? Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Why do you keep doing this to me? It isn't good for my temper, you know."

"Don't help him, Bruce!" Natasha called out.

"How long has he been here?" Bruce asked in exasperation.

"Mmmm! Mmm!" Clint answered loudly.

"I don't know. An hour? Maybe two? I've been busy."

"Natasha." Bruce admonished. "You can't just leave people laying around the Tower bound and gagged. What if he had to use the bathroom?"

"Then he would have had to clean it up. Double score." Natasha replied with a grin.

"This is cruelty. I'm letting him go. Help me get rid of all of this water." Bruce sighed.

"I don't think so." Natasha answered thoughtfully. "I've got other stuff to do."

For once, Natasha was being honest. She did have other stuff to do. She slunk off before either Clint or Bruce could see where she was going. She was going to the kitchen. She was going to hide in the pantry and wait until Clint tried to look for his peanut butter, then she was going to jump out and scare the everloving shit out of him as her one last prank. She hoped that the surveillance cameras captured the stupid look on his face when she surprised him.

* * *

There was one problem with Natasha jumping out to scare Clint: Clint did not know that she was hiding and had decided to tuck himself away in the small space between the top of the fridge and the ceiling. He was planning on scaring Natasha when she came into the kitchen to grab a diet Coke. She couldn't go more than a few hours without a soda. The woman was an addict.

As it turned out, Natasha could go more than a few hours with soda. Clint stayed above the fridge for nearly five hours. He was growing progressively sore and progressively frustrated with the situation.

Where the hell was she? What was she up to? Clint began to run through worst-case scenarios. Maybe she was in his bedroom, finding more things to mess up. Maybe she was changing out his shampoo for revenge on her green hair. She did look pretty with green hair, though. Clint sighed and rolled her eyes. She would look pretty with any colored hair. She would look pretty bald. She was just intimidatingly gorgeous.

And she was a ruthless prankster.

Maybe she was setting his room on fire. Maybe she had paid Tony to wire everything in his room differently. Maybe she had paid Steve to turn every piece of furniture in his room upside down. Wait, that was a brilliant idea. If she hadn't done that, he would.

Wait.

There were footsteps in the kitchen. Natasha was finally coming to get her diet Coke.

Maybe not.

She walked right past the fridge to the sink. Clint couldn't see her, but he could hear her shuffling footsteps. The sink. Well, that wasn't the ideal location, but jumping out would still scare her. He waited until she had shuffled to the kitchen island to leap out from where he was standing.

"AH!"

Oh.

It was Bruce.

It was Bruce and Natasha had leapt out from the kitchen pantry.

She had been hiding, too.

They exchanged startled expressions that quickly altered into horrified ones.

They had startled Bruce.

"Ack!" Bruce groaned, kneeling to the ground. His skin was turning that all-too-familiar shade of green. Natasha and Clint stared at each other with wide eyes.

"Run." Natasha suggested. Clint nodded stupidly.

They both took off running, screaming at the top of their lungs that the Hulk had been unleashed. JARVIS was all but useless, as he was still programmed to speak Norman French. Admittedly, had the Hulk not been chasing after them, hearing JARVIS' frantic French warnings would have been funny. At present, they were terrifying.

"What did you do?" Steve demanded, emerging from his room.

"We fucked up. We fucked up." Clint responded breathlessly.

"Aw, shit." Steve grumbled, running a hand through his hair. "Tony. We've got another Code 14."

* * *

"So what did we learn today?" Tony demanded, pacing the length of the living room. Natasha and Clint were seated on the couch like two children being scolded by their mother. Both of them looked down at their shoes.

Steve materialized by Tony's side. "What were you guys thinking? You could have gotten us all killed! Bucky and I were - I mean - nobody was prepared to deal with the Hulk. Poor Bruce is still afraid to leave his room."

Natasha's mouth curved into a slight smirk. "What was it that you and Bucky were doing?"

Clint laughed. Catching the dark look that crossed Steve's face, he disguised it as a cough.

"The prank war ends today." Steve said decisively.

"Of course, Steve." Natasha lied.

"Completely over." Clint chimed in.

"Good." Tony said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and nodding. "I'm glad that's settled. Now that it is, I've got to show you guys the surveillance footage. I had JARVIS take a few screenshots of it. I think we should use the pictures for our Christmas card."

"Really? I've got to see the pictures. Where are they?" Clint asked, looking around eagerly.

"Tony." Steve chastised, shaking his head.

"Fine." Tony sighed. He redirected his attention to Clint and Natasha and tried to frown. "No more pranks. End of story."

"End of story." Clint and Natasha echoed. Tony glanced at Steve. Steve nodded. They both exited the room before Tony could encourage Clint and Natasha any further. Once they were out of sight, Clint and Natasha turned to face each other.

"Beginning of story, right?" Clint asked.

"Of course." Natasha replied. "I say we start with Steve, then move to Tony, then Thor. We could probably get Bucky to help us as long as we promise not to hurt Steve."

Clint grinned. "Let's get started."

* * *

 **Okay. I'm home from Christmas Eve with the family. I've got a bottle of Peppermint Schnapps, a cheesy Christmas playlist, and the ugliest Christmas sweater that you've ever seen. You know what that means: Avengers Christmas Oneshots. I'm going to be posting various oneshots tonight and tomorrow (maybe even after Christmas is over - who knows). Each one will have its pairings labelled so you can sift through whatever ones aren't your jam. Enjoy!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Skinny Steve and Golden Boy Bucky's Fluffy Christmas (Stucky)**

It was Christmas Eve and Steve was wrapped up in Bucky Barnes' winter coat. Steve had insisted that he didn't need the coat, but Bucky had all but forced it on him. It was less than ten degrees outside and Steve's asthma was worsening. He was probably right. Bucky was usually right.

"So what'd you ask for Christmas, Stevie?" Bucky asked, sticking a cigarette between his lips and looking down at Steve curiously. He didn't light the cigarette; he never did when he was around Steve. Steve knew that it was because of his asthma. He hated that Bucky had to change his normal behavior because of him.

"New lungs." Steve joked, smiling weakly. His voice was raspy from weeks of heavy coughing.

Bucky chuckled. Steve could see the air leaving his lungs through frozen puffs of air. It made him smile.

"What did you ask for?" Steve returned the question.

"Aw, I didn't really ask for anything this year." Bucky mused, slinging an arm around Steve's frail shoulders. "I've already got everything that I want."

Steve smiled sheepishly and brushed his hair out of his eyes. Bucky was always so damned good at saying the right thing at the right time. Steve didn't deserve him.

"Buck - " Steve didn't know what to say.

"Yeah?"

"I'm…" Steve sucked in a deep breath. The cold air stung his lungs. "I'm really gonna miss you. You know, when you...when you go."

Bucky looked off into the distance. The smile disappeared from his face. Steve felt like an idiot for ruining one of the few moments he had left with Bucky before he went off to war. "I'll miss you too, Stevie."

"You sure that you won't find some officer who'll make you forget all about me?" Steve teased, hoping to lighten the mood. Bucky looked down at him. Surprise was written clear across his face. The cigarette hung between his lips, forgotten.

"No way. You don't really think that I would, do you? You know it's only you. It'll always just be you."

Steve smiled. "Really?"

"'Till the end of the line, pal. You're not getting rid of me so easily. No war could keep me away from you for long." Bucky proclaimed, pulling Steve closer. Steve could practically feel the warmth that Bucky radiated. He often wondered how it was possible for one human being to be so warm, both inside and out.

"You know what I think I want for Christmas?"

Bucky cast him an amused grin. "What?"

"You."

"You've got me, punk."

"No," Steve shook his head and smiled. "I don't mean it like that. I mean, I like this," He gestured between Bucky and himself awkwardly, "and all, but I just think...you know -"

"Steve," Bucky cut him off. His voice was laced with laughter. He knew how terrible Steve was at expressing himself articulately. "What are you trying to say?"

Steve squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus. "I want to marry you."

It took every ounce of courage in Steve's body to look over and gauge Bucky's reaction. He watched the cigarette fall from Bucky's lips as his jaw dropped open. He cringed as Bucky looked him over in complete shock. He did not take it back.

"Marry me?" Bucky couldn't seem to believe it.

Steve nodded.

"Stevie, that's - we can't do that."

"Why not?" Steve asserted.

"Because it's illegal! Because my parents would kill me. Because -"

"Bucky." Steve grumbled, tugging Bucky behind the cafe that they had frequented in grade school. Under the cover of darkness, he leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Bucky's lips. They were chapped and warm and tasted like home. "You think too much."

"Somebody's got to." Bucky mumbled, his hands trailing along Steve's narrow waist.

"We don't have to get married in front of a big old crowd in your snooty church," Steve persisted, standing on his tip toes to press gentle kisses to Bucky's magnificent jawline. "We don't even have to get rings. I just want you to know that I'm yours. Forever."

"You mean that?" Bucky grabbed Steve's scrawny shoulders and held him at a foot's distance. "You really mean that?"

Steve stared up at him incredulously. Bucky couldn't seem to believe him. He couldn't seem to comprehend the idea that Steve only wanted him. Forever. As if there could ever be anyone else. As if anyone compared.

"Yeah," Steve nodded. "Yeah, I do."

A wide smile broke across Bucky's face. Steve could see it clearly, even in the darkened corner. Suddenly, Steve was pulled in for a tight - almost crushing - hug. "God, I love you, Stevie. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Buck." Steve replied, his voice muffled by Bucky's shoulder.

"So we're together? Forever?" Bucky asked after a moment. He seemed to have a difficult time believing it all.

Steve grinned. "Together forever."

Bucky grabbed Steve's hand in his. It was warm. Steve shivered against his will. Neither of the men paid much attention to it. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" Steve asked curiously.

"To your apartment." Bucky replied.

"What about your mom? She's going to kill you if you're not home for Christmas dinner."

Bucky glanced down at his watch. He smiled triumphantly. "Already thirty minutes late. No point in going now. C'mon. I don't know how much longer I can go without shoving you against the nearest wall and kissing you senseless. We'll get arrested if that happens out here."

Steve awkwardly fumbled for his keys. Bucky laughed and pulled them out of Steve's pocket before dragging him off in the direction of Steve's apartment building.

* * *

Bucky Barnes woke up on Christmas morning very much a man in love. Steve Rogers was clinging to his chest like washed up seaweed. His hair was sticking up at all angles, his light snores filled the room, and his small body trembled against Bucky's. Bucky smiled and pulled the covers a bit higher to cover Steve. The motion disrupted the rhythm of Steve's soft snores.

Bucky watched as Steve cracked one eye open and looked him over. A small smile crossed his face. Bucky smiled right back.

"Last night wasn't a dream."

Bucky's smile grew wider. "Nope."

"We're engaged."

"Yup."

Steve smiled contentedly for a moment. Suddenly his eyes snapped open and he was up and out of bed in a flash. Bucky watched him race across his cramped apartment with an amused grin. He didn't run very fast, but he looked awfully cute when he tried. Bucky stuck an arm under his head and continued watching Steve in action.

"I got these last week." Steve pulled a box out from under a tree that looked like it had been pulled straight out of a Charlie Brown cartoon. He beamed triumphantly. Bucky grinned back at him.

Steve launched himself back into bed. Bucky tried to absorb most of the shock of his landing by catching him. Steve wriggled out of his arms, eager to open the box. Bucky rolled his eyes and focused on the box.

He couldn't help but suck in a surprised breath when Steve pulled out two small coins. He could honestly say that he was not expecting coins. Noticing Bucky's curious stare, Steve smiled sheepishly.

"I know that you won't be able to have much stuff when you…" He trailed off, clearly unwilling to discuss Bucky's imminent departure. Instead, he cleared his throat and continued. "But you can just keep this in your pocket. I'll have one, too. It'll be like we're...y'know...together, somehow. Anyway, merry Christmas."

Steve handed over one of the coins. Bucky examined it a bit closer.

"It's engraved." Steve looked a little bit embarrassed.

Bucky brought the coin closer to his face. Sure enough, there were words scrawled across the surface. They read:

 _ **'Till the end of the line.**_

Bucky grinned.

"'Till the end of the line." He promised.


End file.
